Five Years. Five Days

So it's official.

The date is set and there is no turning back now.

This Halloween saturday you will have a new Envinity album to snuggle up with in bed, as irritating children incessantly ring your doorbell in the hope of getting diabetes.

And though this should be an exciting moment for me, it comes with a tinge of the bittersweet.

This is an album that began over five years ago.

In fact the initial ideas of it were already taking shape as I was finishing up Empyreal Progeny. Yes, that long ago.

It is a project that has spanned important and dramatic moments of my life. Moments of personal growth, self discovery, sadness, triumph and loss. And though five years is a long time, it feels like it has been a part of me forever.

It is an album that has pushed me to my limits (for now), and the result is something I never imagined I could create.

I think the most fitting analogy as to my feelings at the moment is something akin to parental.

Creating an album is like raising a child. You spend years nurturing it and teaching it everything you know. But one day, that child grows up and has to leave the nest. No more sheltering your baby from the outside world. It must go out on it's own, and learn it's own lessons and have it's own experiences.

Ending a five year relationship is not easy, and yet there is still something satisfying about it. In my mind, I hope that my little girl will eventually bring as much inspiration, enjoyment, and significance to others as she did for me.

And then the inevitable question:

What will I do with myself after my baby is off on her own?

I don't know. Again comes that mix of excitement and something like postpartum depression.

So it's official.

The date is set and there is no turning back now.

But I still don't want to let go.


NIKO